I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
