Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
