I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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