Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
