We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
