ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
3 2 1 whiskey
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
