I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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