: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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