U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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