yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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