Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
