the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
