He had one of those small greek statue penises
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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