Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
