I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize