I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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