Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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