Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize