2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
