He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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