As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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