so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
