nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize