you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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