So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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