he thought i was a dude.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
