it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
whose parrot is this?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
