Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The beers last night were like the tears from god
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
