I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
