ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
