So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
should my penis look like a turkey
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
