my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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