i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it wasn't lemon gatorade
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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