just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
