The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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