I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
