uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
