Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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