woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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