Nicole vs. Life
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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