You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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