Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
