You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
