His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
