somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
