i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
