maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
