he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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