The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That accounts for only three of the penises
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
