Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
