her vagine was all disorganized.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
