I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
