I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
