My brain says no but my pants say off.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
