I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
