Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
