I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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