I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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