I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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