He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
