But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
