Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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