Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
