im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
