I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
