It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
