two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
