Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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