just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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