i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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