i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
